I forgot how much I love sending out these questions forms. It's such a good connection tool and a way for me to understand ways that I can help or offer my thoughts to this community. On both the light-hearted topics and more personal things. Thanks for taking part in this and being vulnerable. I hope that some of my experiences and learnings can be a comfort or guide in some way.

I'm about to be vulnerable back with my responses. Most of the topics below are incredibly personal to every individual. In talking to friends and other women, I've realized that we can have such a starkly different experience with pregnancy. It's okay to have a difference in opinion... that's just part of the human experience that makes us all unique!

Let's get to it...

Any tips for trying to conceive?

I think the only thing we can have control over (aside from doing our best to time things based on cycle) is to take extra good care of ourselves. Nourishing your body, de-stressing in any way you can, taking prenatal vitamins, drinking lots of water... get your body and mind to a place of contentment. Everyone is so different, I know some who struggled with trying for very long periods of time... for the most part it is beyond our control. I just think that being in a more grounded and calm state (over putting pressure or stress on yourself) can't hurt. Sending all the healthy and positive vibes to those who are in this process now.

Essential baby items for first time parents?

I just created a whole baby registry edit here. I included the things that stand out to me in my mind the most, things we used and loved and will be either repurposing or repurchasing for our second. 

How do you organize toys in G's room and through the house?

I have 4 of these baskets in our living room (in the rectangle / low style) full of Grace's toys (and one for blankets). They're great because they are taller (but she can reach in) and conceal things a bit more. We have those brand new custom built-ins along the back wall of our dining area and I made 2 lower level cabinets all for Grace, organized by category: board games and puzzles and then her many art supplies. 

We have a (very) big basket on the floor of her closet full to the brim with her stuffed animal collection and a little basket full of dress-up stuff. I do a good job to donate things when the time comes—so it's not over the top. Grace is more into art / building with blocks and magna-tiles, and riding her bike and scooter right now, so we don't have tons of bulky toys that sit out. 

There are so many cute baskets out there—lidded options, too! So that is my favorite approach to toy storage. I also swear by Zara Home and I just bought some of these H&M Home baskets too that are really beautiful!

Are you doing anything differently for your second pregnancy?

My first pregnancy was in the thick of the pandemic, so yes! I'm getting out more, enjoying having more space, and Grace is a wonderful distraction. Getting a manicure or booking a massage is such a treat this time. I plan to do monthly prenatal and lymphatic drainage massages from here on out. 

For my first, I didn't stay active throughout and caved to sweets way more often. You hear things about 'being able to eat whatever you want during pregnancy as it goes away quickly while breastfeeding'... this wasn't the case for me. I'm being more mindful (finding healthy alternative recipes to things I am craving) and trying to stay as healthy as I can for the sake of postpartum recovery and future self/well-being. 

I also want to say, you gotta do what you gotta do during this season. Truly. Sometimes my cravings win and that's okay! I just want to be a little bit more thoughtful (rather than Ben & Jerry-ing it up every night like last time)... 

What are your plans for nursery set up?

We are going to turn my office into Grace's room and the baby will have her current room as it's easier to make dark for naps. A little bummed to lose the office, albeit, I haven't used it much since our remodel (was in there so much for 8 months hiding from our crew). And I really love sitting at my kitchen island.

Down the road we plan to add a pool / pool-house studio office in our garden which will be really nice to have somewhere separate to work. I'm going to get into nursery mode come early spring... so will be sure to share more on that process.

What are your best postpartum routine recommendations?

Postpartum for me consisted of a few weeks of lounging and healing. I had a c-section so it took 3 or so weeks to take longer walks. During this time, one of my favorite memories was ordering or picking up coffees and sipping them in bed with Grace. This Lord Huron album had just released, so we'd play it every morning. It's quite fitting as their music always kind of takes you to a different place, it's very mystical and ethereal... anytime I hear a soundtrack from that album now it transports me to that hazy time period. I really like that! So maybe find an album you and your partner love and play it during those early weeks. 

Love Island UK had just released a new season, which was so fun to watch in pockets during the day while just lounging with Grace in the living room. Having some friends come by and share meals was a highlight, too. It was a lot of relaxing, sleeping when we could, and snuggling. it went by fast like they say.

The first time around was obviously so new. You are just getting to know your baby / their personal rhythm... while taking care of yourself. It's a time to enjoy and accept the slowness. I'd say it would be nice to queue up an audiobook or podcast episodes you would like to tune into. For moments while rocking, feeding, or just taking a moment to yourself. Little things for you are really important. 

Walks and outings when you can, self-care moments during your day, nourish, and fresh air!

Favorite and least favorite parts of pregnancy?

I love ultrasounds. Especially some of the first after struggling a bit through the first trimester... it feeds your soul to see there's actually a baby in there! 20 week appointment is my favorite. I also love feeling the kicks. It's so strange how your baby is with you at all times, but you go about your life and forget at times. I'm always amazed and reminded how magical life and our bodies are when I feel those kicks. 

I've read thoughts from women who speak about how much they love pregnancy—I even read someone say they never felt more like themselves than they did while pregnant. In full honesty, I don't feel that way at all, arguably the opposite. And I'm okay with that. I'm beyond grateful (obviously)—but it's a lot. I'm just very excited to complete our family and wrap up this season of my life. I would do anything for my babies, that to me is what makes it beautiful. 

What did you/will you have in your hospital bag?

Oh my god, I barely used anything in my hospital bag last time. I shared my birth story here (password: havinggrace) in case interested (warning, it is a little bit traumatic, but I wanted to share in hopes to help others advocate for themselves). I think the hero of my bag was my mini lamp (I'm not kidding)... for the first half we were in a room with no windows and the mini lamp offered some sort of coziness. It was also nice once Grace was with us... nice warm dimmed light vs. the overhead at hospitals. Someone told me to order long extension iPhone charger, which was also handy. 

This time around I will bring compression socks, AirPods, our sound machine, the underwear I discovered after the fact last time, and most likely my mini lamp again. 

Any names you were considering for boys you'd be willing to share?

Jude, Hayes, Luca, Graham.

Any favorite rituals or traditions you've made with Grace?

G and I bake cookies together (will share the recipe we use soon, it's the best!). It's so precious, she has memorized the steps and is so into it. I made cookies without her once this fall and she realized that I had made a new batch and she said to me "hey! you made these without me... you can't do that, ok?". 

G has gotten very into art the last 6 months and she is so good! I know I'm her biased mom, but I am blown away by her skills at 3.5. We've been feeding this hobby and I love taking part with her. Art was my favorite class all through school growing up (are you surprised?) and I used to paint in my twenties for fun... it's been a joy to dabble again. I'm really excited for spring when we can sprawl drop cloth on the grass and set up little easels to paint together under the sun. 

Also have to tell you guys, the other day I was sitting in my kitchen early in the morning making my Editor's Note collage and she woke up and came and joined me. I had my Tumblr up and she was so excited by the pretty images and was scrolling and showing me all her favorites. It felt so fun to have her participate in something I love. It made me realize how excited I am to open up my world even more to her as she gets older and starts to understand more.

She also likes to garden with me, which will continue to get more and more fun as she gets older!

Your approach to staying active/workouts while pregnant?

For both pregnancies, when I first found out, I was working out normally (week 5 and 6)... and then I started to notice myself slowing down and feeling sluggish. The morning sickness hit and I couldn't work out for 2 months. I just recently started to feel my energy come back (around 18/19 weeks this pregnancy, for Grace is was right at 14 weeks) so I currently working towards getting my endurance back. I just went on a lovely 3 mile walk with a girlfriend which felt so good! I'm also taking on Pilates by Bryony's 28 day challenge, too!

I'm making walks and workouts a big priority. I recommend moving your body in anyway you can during pregnancy. It helps with symptoms, mental wellness, keeping your body strong, stretched, and prepped for labor. And just as importantly, it can help with recovery afterward, too.

I plan on moving my body daily by way of walks, pilates, stretching. 

What maternity wear are you leaning into, if any?

I enjoy a winter pregnancy so that I can lean into my own leggings as much as possible. I don't feel comfortable in maternity jeans (I tried) and regular jeans (in bigger sizes) don't do it for me. I've been living in Lululemon Aligns (I got a few pairs in a couple sizes up), my belly bands for support, tees and tank, and knits. I also have knit skirts and a couple cashmere dresses I have worn on the occasion. My obsession with jackets, shoes, and bags pay off in pregnancy, they make my outfit sing and make me feel like myself.

What's the best gift for a new mom who is due soon?

A new pair of sweats (AshleyK15), a spa gift card, a gift basket assortment of treats you know she'll love, honestly I would even love if a friend brought over a deli sandwich once the baby is born—I miss those! 

How to maximize maternity leave? What to do with baby and spouse.

After a little time at home finding your groove, getting out of the house feels so good. Lunch dates, park hangs, going over to a friend's houses. I think it's best to get into a routine of being out as much as you can so you get the hang of it / don't feel like you always have to be anchored at home. I'm really hoping with our second that she is a good napper and can get her used to napping during outings. That is the dream!

Since G will be in school and Matt will be on paternity leave, we will probably do a few drives up to wine country for a fun lunch with the baby (we have lots of birthdays and celebratory things shortly after she's born), which I am really looking forward to. 

How is your mental health this time around?

During the first trimester it wasn't great. Both times now were really challenging. In my experience, I felt like I had to cancel life and just survive. I also had "pregnancy rhinitis" this time in the first trimester for 7 weeks and was so congested/had sinus headaches non stop, it was a journey!

It becomes quite frustrating when you're in it. I can't believe that women have to go into the office during this time, I give so much credit and respect, it can be a very hard and uncomfortable stint of time. I did notice though when I would force myself to the grocery store or something, I'd be distracted away from how I was feeling internally a little bit. In my opinion, the first trimester is the hardest... and it makes sense, you are building a human from scratch!

I'm doing so much better now and I feel like myself again. It's one of those experiences in life that makes you realize how amazing it is to feel good and healthy. So when you reach that point again, you don't take it for granted... and it makes it all the more sweet! 

Did you ever consider the one and done life? How did you know you were ready for second? I also had complications and trauma with my first.

Time itself and Grace are responsible for me feeling ready. I knew that I wanted a sibling for Grace but I did feel fear around going through this process again. I just needed some time to recoup. It's all so worth it in the end. It's okay to give yourself time—I personally am happy about their age gap. 

What are you doing to take care of yourself and prep for labor and baby?

Taking care of yourself is so important before you enter into parenthood. I realized this after G was born how I could have prepared myself slightly more. I'm using the next four months to move my body, nourish, read before bed, get into healthy and mindful habits now so that when she's here, I have a strong foundation and internal well-being and strength to help me through (what usually is) a challenging few months. Especially becoming a parent to 2, all new territory—and I want to be in the best state I can be for Grace in this season, too. 

I also want to say that becoming a first time parent can feel so daunting. There is *so much information, opinions, ways to do things. But the good news is that you pick things up so very fast and learn as you go! Every baby is different, trusting instincts and experimenting is key. I remember thinking that so many people share their tips and personal methods and sound like they have it all mastered, even after just a couple months of being a parent for the first time and it's because you really have no choice but to be thrown into the fire. So if your time is approaching, obviously read up and prepare for things like sleep and eating schedules to try etc. but know that you don't have to be an expert, you will figure it out as you go!

Best tips for feeling your best during pregnancy?

Learning to roll with every new phase. In the beginning and end, in my experience, it's about survival mode. You just need to get through and nurture, be patient and kind to yourself, know that it is temporary, and keep moving forward. The middle has been the easiest and so I use that energy to refuel, get myself on track, prep for baby and my future self.

Nurture, soothe, and treat yourself when you can. 

Favorite pregnancy safe skincare?

Right now, here are my current favorites, I'm using!

Pregnancy book recommendations as a first time parent?

I shared a list that I read last time here!

What are your favorite clothing brands for infants?

Magnetic Me and Kissy Kissy for softest and cutest pjs. Burt's Bees for nice/affordable onesies. For cute outfits: Born Baby, Spilled Milk, Baby Zara!

Are you buying anything new for baby? Would love to see a list if so!

New items I've purchased so far are: Snuggle Me lounger | Ergo Baby bounce chair | Hatch (the new one) and their on the go one as well! I will do a blog post on everything we end up getting—but most of the stuff I swear by from my first time I linked here!

Birthing at hospital vs. home opinions?

So personal! I had an emergency c-section so I am for hospital. 

When did you start feeling normal after having Grace? 1st time mom here!

Everyone and every experience is so different. We didn't have childcare for Grace her first year (mainly because pandemic was still lingering) and then it took me awhile after that to feel like myself again. It takes time. I heard something at one point that it takes 2 years for your hormones/everything to settle.

The very best advice I can offer is to not force it. Don't hold expectations for yourself to get back to "normal". The best thing you can possibly do is to soak up this fleeting time period and trust that you *will* feel like you again, only a different version. Don't cling to your past life or self (like I did), just flow with your new normal... everything will fall into place more seamlessly if you're not attached to any ideas or timeframes or how things should be, etc. The more you are open and go with it, the easier you'll find your way back to you. Promise! 

Daycare vs. nanny?

Daycare for me. I tried nanny route and had two royal fails. Plus, with our home set up, my work, nanny is just not for me. I'm so grateful it didn't work out because we ended up getting G into a daycare and we absolutely loved it/the teachers there. It was crazy because my biggest concern was naps at the time (when she was one / nap wars were so real) and I didn't understand how she'd be able to fall asleep with a few other babies in a room full of cribs... but turns out, she slept better there than at home. I think it's the comfort of having others close by when you fall asleep. But I'm super grateful we ended up where we did. The socializing is a major bonus, too and prepared her for a seamless transition to preschool. 

Do you have diaper bag recs?

I'm not a diaper bag person—in my opinion, a bag is a bag. I fill a couple pouches of stuff with her things and throw them into a big tote of mine. I also like to keep a little organizer in the car at all times with diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, etc. This works for me!

Are you excited to have another girl?

Thrilled! I love having a little girl and am so excited for them to (hopefully) be close and have a beautiful friendship with each other throughout their lives. The connection I have with Grace is so special and means absolutely everything to me, so I'm thrilled to have another unique relationship with my second. 

Are you using the Snoo?

Also known as Grace's night nurse? Yes! I know some who this didn't work for their babies, so we will see if it works as well this time around, but we absolutely loved and valued our Snoo. Grace slept in it until 4 months I believe. I will sell ours after so will keep you guys posted on that (among lots of other baby things left intact after we are all done!). 

Do you have a name yet?

We don't! It has been much harder this time around... I have a couple names I really love though. Hoping we can nail it down in the next couple of months. We don't want to be en route to the hospital undecided!

Are you planning for another c-section or trying VBAC? I'm so torn!

I will be scheduling a c-section. I had a scary emergency C-section experience and I'm not putting myself in a position where it could happen again. I've spoken to three doctors now and all have encouraged and reassured me that based on my record, this is a move they support. 

Tips for enjoying (instead of just surviving) the newborn stage?

Most importantly, Surrender! Lose the expectations and just take it one day at a time. Those newborn snuggles are absolute heaven! I miss them and am counting down to hold a little one on my chest again. 

Start to ideate rituals you can do as a family at home while recovering—fun experiences to look forward to. I remember creating a decadent cheese board one afternoon during newborn bubble which was so enjoyable. Picnics on the grass or a movie with popcorn (I want to get one of those outdoor projector screens for summer, could be a good move for this time period too!).

And finding small pockets of solo time for both you and your spouse to decompress for a few—like a mini sheet mask moment in your room with a chapter in a book. It goes by fast, they really do grow so fast... try and be present and enjoy this time. 

Do you plan to breastfeed? I'm pregnant with baby no2 and I'm torn since BF was so challenging for me.

I also had a really challenging and painful experience with this. At the time, I decided to keep pumping because of the pandemic and I wanted to provide antibodies to Grace. But it took a toll on me and I only made it until 6 weeks when she got her shots. 

I was a formula-fed baby (all of my sibling were, too) and I turned out just fine! In my experience with Grace, she ended up having half breastmilk and half formula since the early days. As of now, I've decided not to breastfeed for personal reasons but most importantly, my mental well-being. It's not at all an easy choice to make, but we all have to do what is best for our circumstances. 

I thought about skipping this question as it has so much weight to it. It's a touchy subject loaded with guilt for some... I just want to be open and honest in hopes it can help others feel less alone. 

How did you get through the nauseous period of pregnancy? Feeling depressed about it.

I'm so sorry, I totally get it. Hang in there! You are building a human—skeleton, heart, brain, eyeballs, and all... how insane is that?

Just know that it will pass. When you are in it, it can be so hard. Even the second time, knowing more of what to expect, I had moments of helplessness. It is a long time that you feel ill, uneasy, unlike yourself—so on top of the discomfort, it's really mentally draining. Keep doing small things that relieve, comfort, and distract. Get outside when you can, find small pockets of joy in your day, know it's going to pass. You've got this, it's so beyond worth it in the end.

Postpartum essentials you loved last time?

I shared a list of my favorites that I will use again here! Also made a little storefront I'll keep adding to.

If you have any tips, thoughts, questions, or product recs that came to mind while reading, feel free to add in the comments below! 

Thank you again so much for sending in questions.
All my best, 
Ashley