07.21

One Month with Grace

Motherhood

Hi hi! So, I started a draft on this post a couple of weeks ago and wrote notes around fresh feelings I had into early postpartum and sadly the draft is nowhere to be found! I think I forgot to save, so going to have to go off of memory now...

I want to start by saying thank you so much for the love and support sent our way with Grace's arrival! You feel like a bunch of aunties who have expressed such warmth and excitement leading up to and after she was born — it's just the sweetest.

The last month has been such a whirlwind my goodness! It truly and utterly does fly by. She's already changing so much, but I have to say, I haven't taken a second of it for granted. Especially in the holding her/cuddling department. There is absolutely nothing better than your baby asleep on your chest. It is the most beautiful, happy, sweet thing I've experienced. We have loved newborn bubble and getting to know our little lady.

I mentioned this on stories but I've decided to keep my birth story to myself. I was one to preach early on about how people love to share the negative stories, so I am 1) choosing not to be that person, because my experience was a mess and 2) I know a lot of people on the internet are open about their labor/breastfeeding experiences, etc., but I have always liked to keep my personal life a bit more separate and I am feeling this way even more-so now with Grace here. Boundaries are so important in general but especially on social media/around family and personal stuff, so I hope you understand. All that matters is that G is safe and healthy, so I am very grateful for that! Now, let's see if I can have our goal of child #2 after everything... time will tell, haha.

One thing I wanted to make note of... something I didn't realize to the extent before experiencing it firsthand: postpartum hormones are WILD. Ladies who are about to give birth—just know that week 1, you are about to feel emotions in the most intense way you have ever experienced. It is truly crazy. I cried like 50 times that week over *everything*. Just looking at Grace, feeling guilty around Scout not getting as much attention as usual the first few days (especially bc I was super fragile/healing at that stage), I was even weirdly freaking out about Matt and my relationship. We are extremely close and are so loving and attentive to each other and I worried that it would never be the same now. I was going from one thought to the next, just tears free-flowing. I think I cried for 2.5 hours straight one day lol. Good news though, is that the hormones taper off A LOT at week 2. Matt kept reminding me to allow myself to feel everything and not hold back and to just let it out... and that was so helpful and the best advice. Looking back now, those feelings I was living through were actually really beautiful, so my advice is just roll with it!

We got so lucky the first few weeks. Grace started sleeping 5 hours a night at week 2 (from 10-3a)! She never lost weight after leaving the hospital so our pediatrician gave us the okay to let her sleep as long as she can for the pm stretch. She is still around 5-6 hours now which is incredible. It takes a bit to get her back to sleep though at that 3am wakeup, but with time we will continue to stretch it and are just thanking our lucky stars she's been pretty easy on us! This past week she's become a bit fussier but we think it's because she's going through a growth spurt and getting bigger / acquiring more energy, etc. We know her well now though and usually know how to calm her down...

One thing that has been so heart-warming. Matt and Grace's bond. My god, it kills me! I have always been good with kids—I am the oldest of my siblings/half siblings and cousins... babysat my whole life. I knew Matt was going to be an amazing dad—he's the warmest and most nurturing human and so good with our friend's kids... he's better with Grace than I am! It is the sweetest thing how he soothes her... he's really picked up his own bag of tricks with her and it's been so fun to witness. It's true what they say, you fall more in love with your partner when they become a parent. She is truly the luckiest little girl to have someone so special like Matt as her dad.

Lastly, postpartum, I'm learning, is a process... it's a rollercoaster! Not surprising, though. I have days where I see progress in my recovery and see glimpses of feeling like myself again  which is life giving! But then there are days I feel very defeated and far from myself. There's been many tears, both happy and sad, but every day is a step forward and real progress. My biggest thing—whether some think this is silly or not—is my body not feeling like my own right now. Not fitting into any of my clothes... even my wedding rings don't fit! I know they will with time, but I think I am also just kind of tired of being patient haha. Patience has never been my thing but you're forced into it / it is essential in pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood. So anyway, I know I will get back to feeling like myself at some point, every time I look at my little girl it's all so so worth it. For now, I am thankful for Lululemon. 🙂 I also treated myself to a few new lounge things which has made recovery time so much nicer... a few favorites, in case you need some ideas, include: Monrow, The Great, Leset, Sleeper, Eberjey, and Skin. (:

Just wanted to pop in and say hello and finally get this post out there! Sharing a handful of photos below... xx

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